restless.

my heart is restless.
it's an every day battle.
right now.
to be quietly content.

i want Him to talk to me.
in a new way.
i've stopped to listen.
for the first time
in a while.

this world He has placed me in.
is filled
with opportunity.
incredible people.
love.
beauty.

makes me restless.

wanting to make the most of
every
single
moment.

but feeling as though
i am sitting.
wasting them.
actually.

it's because of me.
see.
i get in the way.
of Him.

i think i know what will satisfy.
myself.
what will make me feel fulfilled.
but i don't.
i don't know the first thing about me.

that's why trusting.
and then following.
are a must right now.

He knows me.
know what puts me in my element.
makes my heart thrive.
and sing.

and where i feel used.
and in turn,
content.

so i want Him to take me there.
do it.

whatever it takes.
i want Him to do in my heart and my life.
too take me there.

i want Him.
all of Him.

only He,
can make my heart rest.

sometimes.

sometimes.
life hurts.
somtimes.
it gets all out of focus like I'm looking through one of those kaleidoscopes.
and takes more than just the twist of a hand.
to clear the blurr.

sometimes.
life is simple.
seemingly carefree.
and fun.

somtimes.
it feels as though there is not one.
easy.
answer.
to be found.
upside down is normal.
and underwater it is easier to breathe.

sometimes.
there is contentment.
somtimes.
such an intense longing for something other than
the way life is.
rises up.
and makes me restless.

like now.

now i want more.
more of You.
more of life.
more of love.

it's not that i'm not blessed beyond measure.
it's not that i don't think this is
exactly.
where i am supposed to be.

for now.

but i long for more.
i want you to teach me.
during this time.
don't let me waste this longing.

but bring me through it in a hurry.
cause Jesus?

it hurts.
somtimes.