so many thoughts are running through my head. right now there is no more blessed relief than for them to come pouring out in lined formation and fitting together to form order and escape the jumbled mess of my brain.
let me tell you why.
as we drove over the potholes and mud my eyes widened. before me were formations of plywood, siding, and shingles that barely resembled places suitable for dwelling, but movement from within them shouted otherwise. 16 was the number by which we stopped, and i watched as a woman with a faded blue sweatsuit come out on the random assortment of wood that was her "porch." it had started to rain, but my eyes had turned away from the pitiful sight before me and now streamed with silent tears. i began to shake with sobs.
her name is hazel.
she has blond hair and fever blisters cover her lips, a sign of sleepless nights due to stress and exhaustion. her son is eight. they have no phone, and no car. they get food stamps once a month, and cannot even drive to get the groceries they can afford with them. they have been watering down wisk for which to scrub their clothes, and today they ran out of food.
they live two minutes from my house.
my world was rocked today. for as i considered that of my home, and my car, my clothes, and my computer, my luxurious life with all of its blessings, i had only one thought. give. not out of my abundance, but of what i have, and out of what will hurt to give. jesus said to "sell my possessions and give to the poor, to give until it hurt." only then will they see Jesus in me. only then can i truly obey. i am blessed so that i can bless, not so that i can build storehouses and fill them with worthless things that are passing away. He said to "store up treasures in Heaven, where moth and rust cannot destroy" and "where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
i say that He is my treasure, i say that my heart is in His. but i was reminded today of how unbelievably blessed i am, and how very close His heart is with those who do not have. and so i will give until it hurts.
the church in corinth"... gave according to their means, and beyond their means, of their own accord." 2 cor. 8:3 and they were blessed so they could bless"...you will be enriched in every way, to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God." 2 cor. 9:11
and so the youth group of a small baptist church took their wallets and emptied them tonight. groceries enough for several weeks were bought and when we presented hazel and her son with enough to meet their needs, it was with shaky smiles holding back the emotion we felt.
but there are twenty more homes. twenty more stories. and twenty more reasons to go back.
Jesus would.
"...i don't need the answers to all of life's questions, i just know that He loves them, and i'll stay by their side. and love them like Jesus."
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